Back in the 80’s, while engrossed in a Personal Development workshop I was attending, the presenter spoke about understanding the true nature of fear and coined it False Expectations Appearing Real. Out of everything I heard that day, this phrase struck the biggest chord with me. I thought about it constantly and shared it with anyone and everyone who cared to listen.
The 80’s was a relatively simple time, looking back – where I lived anyway. There was no internet or social media to warp our brains and challenge our sense of self. There was no Covid spreading wildly, no lockdowns keeping loved ones apart, ruining businesses and damaging the economy and people generally felt safer than they may do in 2022. Most people’s lifestyles were less complicated than the times we now live in.
But FEAR was still prevalent and has been for eons.
On looking back now, to the 70’s/80’s (I turned 30 in 1980) I realise I was pretty fearless, or more truthfully, I felt the fear but did it anyway. (Yes, I was a big fan of Susan Jeffers!) I had an idea, set my goals and off I went – I was unstoppable.
I had two businesses – a cafe in Melbourne city (Australia) and an Organic Health/Grocery store in Prahran, a trendy Melbourne suburb. I was studying and attending classes on all things to do with Meditation, Mindfulness, Tai Chi, QiGong, Psychology, Reiki and Personal Development.
I was meditating at a Yoga Centre three or four times a week, while at the same time partying, loving the nightlife with it’s great music from local bands, hanging out with a fun group of friends and except for my daily dog walks, barely spending five minutes on my own. At the gym I frequented regularly, in all the classes and in my businesses, I was rarely, if ever, alone. I was an adrenaline junkie and I didn’t know it. How on earth I kept up this incredibly full, busy lifestyle I’ll never know.
Fortunately, I became ill, sold my businesses and my curiosity and love of meditation and Tai Chi became my way of life and in 1984, I started running local classes on meditation and relaxation with other personal development and spiritual practices added along the way. In 1989 I became a qualified/accredited Tai Chi teacher and somewhere around then, a Reiki Master. I was seeing clients one-on-one and running groups and workshops regularly. This became my business and lifestyle for the next twenty years. I became an Accredited Counsellor (and specialist accredited HIV/AIDS Counsellor) and was teaching Stress Management in government and local council funded welfare organisations, in small business and large corporate companies. Later on I became a Certified Mindfulness Meditation teacher. Again – I was busy, busy, busy helping others and was rarely on my own.
In the 90’s I went through the experience of eleven deaths of loved ones within eighteen months, including both my parents who I was extremely close to. At the end of the deaths, not long after my mother died, my partner of thirteen years left our relationship moving interstate with a friend of ours and leaving me with debts, in a rental house I couldn’t afford on my own, with two dogs and two cats. I was alone, without my best supporters ever – my parents and only a couple of close friends I could trust and rely on.
The grief I experienced was devastating and I finally knew fear. Huge, massive, all consuming and overwhelming fear.
I was sick, grieving deeply, couldn’t work and see my clients, had to move house and start again and for the first time in my life, I was on my own.
False Expectations Appearing Real became my mantra as I built my life over again. I had to believe in myself and my inner strength more than ever before and keep my mind focused on gratitude and what I wanted and not on what I didn’t want. I wanted to remain calm and happy and not end up angry and resentful.
Fortunately, because I’d been practicing and teaching meditation for many years and trusted in a higher power, I grew from the painful experiences and created a life I love. I not only learnt to be alone and love my own company, but I came to the awareness that as we develop a strong trust in ourselves and our higher power (whatever that is for you), we are never alone. As Deepak Chopra states ‘my sense of security cannot be shaken’.
Yes, difficult, painful situations will always arise throughout our lives, but gaining a deep understanding that inner peace brings true, lasting happiness and helps lessen or even eliminate our fears and insecurities, can build a resilience which is untouched by outer circumstances.
How is this inner peace developed – meditation and quiet contemplation, in whatever form works for you. Practice daily and Every Day Gets Better. ❤️
See Menu for Meditation Guidance. ❤️
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