Acceptance

Following on from the first “A”, Awareness, is Acceptance.

Much has been written about becoming aware of something and then immediately changing your thoughts to something different and more positive, if you caught yourself thinking a negative thought.

According to the experts, Thoughts Create Feelings and Your Feelings Will Determine Your Actions and I agree with this.  The thing that doesn’t sit well with me is going straight from Thought into Action without spending some time feeling your feelings. The time frame you allow yourself to do this is in is entirely up to you but I prefer not to allow my negative, fear based feelings go on for too long before I give myself a talking to and change them.

Feelings teach us a great deal about ourselves and often, as humans with frailties and flaws, we make the very best changes in our lives after feeling pretty darned bad and even hitting rock bottom. I am not suggesting this is the most pleasant way to learn but,  if we ignore our feelings, we risk taking up certain behaviors that may become habits and then, sadly, even addictions. The more we try to shut down our feelings, the more uncomfortable we will be. It’s only when we face our feelings full on that we can begin to master them and create a more peaceful, productive and happy life.

Most people don’t question or avoid when they are feeling good. It’s only when they don’t feel good that the discomfort is present, although I have known people who are afraid to be happy and many people are certainly afraid of the feelings associated with being successful and they feel most uncomfortable indeed.

My practice for many years has been to become more aware by spending time in peaceful reflection and meditation and giving myself plenty of quiet moments in my day to notice what I am thinking and feeling. This can even be while I’m house cleaning or gardening or walking the dog. Quiet time can be anything that means you stay focused in the moment and your thoughts are fully on what you are doing.

The next stage, Acceptance, comes for me when I find my thoughts drifting into fear, worry and doubt and next, I’m feeling edgy and  nervous, or perhaps even anxious and frightened depending on what situations I am dealing with. I have been practicing these exercises for so long now that I (mostly) catch my feelings, feel them fully, accept that I can learn from them and ask myself how I can grow and change from what these feelings bring up for me.

What am I fearful of? What happens for me when I’m frightened? Am I feeling overwhelmed? Do I want to run away? Do I want my Mum? (or someone else who is/was very nurturing for you). Am I expecting or hoping that someone will come along and rescue me? (a big one for women and often why marriages fail!) Do I feel inadequate and not capable of dealing with my life, or certain parts of it, effectively?  I like  to first Accept how I am feeling and then decide that (a) it is only a feeling and (b) I can change it to, in this situation,  confidence, security and faith – if I so choose. Then, more positive Action will ensue because I have dealt with my feelings and not tried to bury them.

So noticing my feelings helps me to know what I want, make specific changes and put new and better habits in place, improve my life and become a better person because I am fully present and accepting of whatever feelings I may have at any given time and, I know I have the power – they do not have power over me. Doesn’t work exactly this way all day every day, but overall, it’s what has enabled me to change dramatically and achieve better results.

I find it’s only when I am aware of my thoughts and feelings and accept them and use them as guides and teachers that I can then proceed positively to the third “A”.

I’d love you to come back soon and share with me as EVERY DAY GETS BETTER!