How I Learnt to Feel Safe.

It wasn’t until I was well into my middle aged adult years that I realised I didn’t feel safe.

It wasn’t an outer thing, it was an inner thing.

I was living in a safe neighbourhood with my safe husband and our three dogs. There were good locks on the doors and windows and we had nice quiet neighbours on either side – but I regularly felt unsettled and nervous. I just told myself off, told myself not to be silly and not to ‘give in’ to wild imaginings. I wasn’t particularly kind to myself in those days.

Even though I’d been meditating daily for over twenty years, it wasn’t until I began studying and practicing Mindfulness that I became aware that since childhood, what I’d been experiencing was actually anxiety.  Because I’d been taught to ‘just get on with it’ – no matter what the situation (or fear), and because I possess a bright, optimistic personality, I simply ignored any fearful, anxious feelings and ‘got on with it’.

But it became worse over the years until I couldn’t refuse it’s demands. The feelings of not being safe began taking over so that even while doing things like driving to the local shops, doing grocery shopping, socialising with friends, I didn’t feel safe. I would feel frightened, nauseous, often have a nasty headache, shortness of breath and chest pain (especially in social situations) and my heart would beat like crazy and all over body pains (diagnosed as fibromyalgia) would worsen.

That’s where my Mindfulness practices became invaluable and as it turns out, the most helpful and beneficial tool I have to this day to deal with day to day life and everything that occurs.

As I practiced Mindfulness, I became more consciously aware of my thoughts and feelings and more able to just ‘be’, in the moment, accepting all that was occurring. Now, on noticing my fearful thoughts, I stop, take some nice slow deep breaths, connect myself to the earth (taking my shoes off if and where possible) and bring my focus to my breathing and this very moment. I tell myself ‘I am safe’, as I continue to breathe, slowly and evenly. I say compassionate, kind words to myself,  just like I would if I was reassuring or calming one of my dogs or a child. I tap lightly on my middle chest area (I find this soothing and calming) while repeating several times, “I calm my body” (on the in breath), “I smile” (on the out breath).

These are simple, easy to do practices and over time, I’ve found my fears and anxieties are no longer an issue. I know what to do if or when they arise and I’ve become confident that I can now calmly process things that used to scare me to bits.

All our feelings are not only ok, but necessary. We can try to avoid them, (especially the uncomfortable ones) or accept and embrace them and live a happier, more fulfilling life as Every Day Gets Better. 😊